A late miscarriage at 14 weeks
5 of these loses were very early, all under 8 weeks,but one was a little further along, and its this time in my life I can't seem to move on from.
I was 14 weeks pregnant when I was rushed into A & E in agony. Minutes later my tiny baby left me. At this point we already had a 6 month old son together, this pregnancy had been a surprise but a happy one. I got home and felt totally numb to start with, I couldn't even hold my son.
Then the empty feeling started.I had a huge hole I desperately needed to fill. I don't remember much of my son's first year, it was like a thick fog had fallen over my life, all I really remember is being obsessed with getting pregnant again. I subsequently had a further 4 miscarriages, until finally giving birth to our second son in 2007. I felt that hurt melt away the instant they placed him in my arms. But after he was born, the hole was still there.
In an effort to make it work, my partner and I got married in 2008. I recently had another miscarriage, at 6 weeks, and 4 weeks later I am a single parent and I can see my husband and I are not right together. But the hole in my heart is back, and I don't know how to move on from the moment I lost my tiny baby.I also feel terribly guilty for the times I don't remember in my eldest son's life. I'm trying to stay strong for the children at this difficult time, but I am teetering on the edge of breaking down, I don't want to fall apart, but don't know how to stop it.