My partner doesn't understand how this early miscarriage has really affected me

Last year I was away for the weekend and I had a miscarriage without me knowing I was pregnant... it was a very early miscarriage I think.

I started bleeding and thought nothing of it and just thought I was on my period (although I was bleeding very heavily) until I went to the toilet and noticed that what came out of me wasn't normal... I froze and didn't know what had happened.

I got my mum to look up what a miscarriage was and the signs to look out for, and I had all of the signs except for cramps. Then the bleeding stopped and started again lightly.

When I came home I took two pregnancy tests and they both came up positive. Although I had the incident in the toilet it must have still been in my hormones, but at that point, I wasn't too sure if I was still pregnant or not.

Next, I went to work and had major cramps which were so bad I was crying. I went to the hospital and saw a doctor and took another pregnancy test which was now negative.

I still get upset about what has happened even though it wasn't planned, but my partner doesn't understand how much this has really affected me. I would really like to have a baby with him but I want to further my career at the moment. My partner has a child to someone else and I have a great relationship with his son.

Can you still grieve a year later?

This story was sent in on 08/04/2010

Editor's comment

It must have been a shock for you to realise you had miscarried when you did not know you were pregnant. It is probable that many women miscarry early without ever realising it.

Many people don't understand the feelings of grief and loss after a miscarriage, but you are feeling that loss and wondering what might have been even if it was very early.

It often takes a long time to get over a loss like this especially if there has been no one to help you to work through your feelings. Many centres have advisors who are able to help with the grief after miscarriage, and I would encourage you to find your nearest centre for miscarriage support.

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