I feel so frightened and nervous, even embarrassed!
By anonymous on 09/05/2007
I'm 17 and two days ago I learned I was pregnant. I kind of realised that since I skipped a period, my belly is like a small dome and my boobs absolutely kill. I feel so frightened and nervous, even embarrassed! I always knew I wanted children, just not at this age! I have been with my boyfriend for six months and we love and care about each other so much, but he is living 208 miles away from me at the moment and things are so hard. He is pressuring me about keeping the baby. He says he would never forgive me if I killed "his" child. He even admitted he loves the unborn baby more than me. That has made me feel unwanted and even angry at my own unborn baby.
I have also told my Mum. She is disappointed and angry at me; she doesn’t take shock lightly. I hate myself for getting into this situation because my mum is trying for a baby herself with her second husband who is 10 years younger than herself and is desperate for children of his own. The bit that made me cry uncontrollably was yesterday when my mum threw her folic acid pills at me and said 'You may as well take them now seeing that I don’t need to!' Because of my hormones I cried for 2 1/2 hours non stop.
Every time I think of abortion my eyes fill up and I feel so ashamed of myself for even thinking about going through with it. But how could I have a baby in this situation? I live with my mum and step-dad, my real dad hasn’t got a clue & he would be so angry. I only now see my boyfriend every fortnight, and to top it off my mum wants a baby - it’s like a slap in the face for her!
I feel so guilty and it has made me blame this tiny person inside of me even though it’s not his/her fault in the SLIGHTEST. To the reader...if there is anyone who is experiencing the same as I am now, you’re not alone! Obviously loads of teenage girls go through this and you may feel like you’re the only person in the whole world who is pregnant but you’re wrong and there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter what route we decide to take. I just wish there was a simpler way out of all this pain for us. Even if everyone around you is disapproving and ashamed of you, don’t let them pressure you into abortion if that’s what you don’t want! You don’t know what the consequences are and you have to live with your pain for the rest of your life, nobody else but you. Just keep strong...and stop crying ! xx
Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…you sound very much alone in your situation and under a great deal of pressure from other people’s opinions and the difficulties of your circumstances. It must hurt you to hear what your boyfriend has to say; feel the anger and resentment and hurt in your mother’s voice, as well as feel unsupported by those around you.
I think you need someone to talk to who can support you through this time – someone who understands your dilemmas and can help you sort out what it is you really want to do. It seems that all the others in your life are unable to provide what you need right now. I recommend that you contact your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use the Online Advisor service. We’ll be thinking of you.
