My beautiful, intelligent and loving daughter is eighteen next week...

By anonymous on 20/08/2007
My beautiful, intelligent and loving daughter is eighteen next week. She has just told me that she has the best A-level results in the school, and has a place at one of the finest universities! Wonderful! Then in the next sentence, she told me she is four months pregnant... I still can't believe it.

I was really calm and supportive, but inside, I feel torn apart. I feel she has given her life away. She says the university have told her they will keep her place till next year, and they will also provide childcare. But who's to know how she will feel then? I feel so disappointed for her, I just can't stop crying, though I won't show her how upset I am. I have to be there for her.

Editor’s note: You have had a great shock, haven’t you? You are possibly experiencing your own dreams for your daughter dissolving before your eyes. It is a painful time for you – you probably feel quite hollow on the inside. So much is whirling around your head. Perhaps you are also feeling an element of shame – pain because of what others might think.

It’s quite natural for you to feel the way you do. It’s right for you to honour and acknowledge your own pain and grieve your own losses, whilst at the same time supporting her in her choice to pursue the pregnancy. Your feelings will eventually change. In time, you will adapt and heal. I think it would help you to ring the helpline, use Online Advisor or visit your nearest centre just so that you can be supported at this time.

But what a resourceful daughter you have! She may have suspected a pregnancy during her exams yet she kept working hard and did well. She had the courage to find out whether she could defer entry and whether she could obtain childcare. She knows she can have a go at being a mum and a student.

Your daughter has made a brave decision and you know already that she needs you, her mum, to support her as you have always done. In time, you will be able to welcome her baby into your world and celebrate her achievements at university too! It doesn’t feel like it right now, but acceptance will come. We’ll be thinking of you.

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