My daughter is 18 and I found out she is 3 and a half months pregnant.By anonymous on 01/10/2007
My daughter is 18 and I found out she is 3 and a half months pregnant. We we're very close, so this came as a huge surprise. I am still in denial. I do not want to accept it or even see her belly. I suggested termination and she refused. This grew more anger in me. I’m thinking, she’s such a smart girl and she isn't rationalising. She is throwing her life away. I did not want my life for her. She loves to travel and live life to the fullest. This would dampen her future, her life and her dreams. She would have to grow up and give up her youth, her freedom. I dislike to sound so negative - there is still hope in life, but it will be much harder. I was not ready for this. But sometimes we need to take what life hands us, and accept it. Yes, we feel so many strong emotions - I went through several stages - denial and shock, feeling so sorry for her, betrayed, angry, denial again. I tell myself ‘no, it isn't happening - this is a nightmare’. Anger again and finally the toughest one will be (I'm not there yet. It's been one week since the news) acceptance - face her and support her emotionally. And then once the baby is born I will feel guilt for ever thinking of terminating my grandchild’s life. Think about it - we do not control life. In the end - to all surprised grandmother's to be - we must forgive ourselves for putting ourselves and our bodies through all this stress. And remember the joy our children brought us and ask ourselves were they planned? And to think some of us will be very young grandmothers. The rest of life will take care of itself. We must pass the torch down, whether we are ready or not. This we must convince ourselves of, like I'm doing now. Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…You have had a huge shock and it’s very painful for you, isn’t it? Change this sudden throws us into what feels like a chaotic washing machine. We’re hurtled around with many negative emotions like fear, disappointment, loss, anxiety, despair, anger. This isn’t what you wanted for your daughter. You are suffering the loss of your own hopes and dreams for her and it’s important to acknowledge that. You are right to say we have very little control over life. In fact, it’s been calculated at a mere 15%! The only thing we have control over is our response to the situation. Now is the time to think of who you are and always have been for your daughter over the years. You can trust the decision she has made for herself and support her. She needs you to be for her right now. Though it may not feel like it at the moment, the shock will subside, you will begin to reconfigure on the inside, relate to this situation differently and eventually adapt. As you said, life will take care of itself. If you need some support, visit your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor to talk to someone confidentially.