I had 5 ABORTIONS

Hi..finally I am writing something which I feel ashamed of...This guilt is killing me day by day and affecting my life..I was 16 yrs old and was very good in studies..Someone contacted me by phone and we became friends..and later he became my boyfriend..I loved him from the core of my heart thinking love is everything..
He was 4 yrs older than me..We had a sexual relationship and I became pregnant in the first year of meeting him..I was scared and too young to handle ..I got that terminated in hospital..This guy kept fooling me and I had 5 ABORTIONS, yes 5 Abortions(until I was 20)...I never felt I was doing anything bad or that it can have so many mental issues and bad consequences..Time passed and this guy was just using me and finally as I grew older I came to know his true colours..and finally had a break up after my 5th Abortion..
Time passed and I started working and got married at the age of 29..I finally wanted to plan a family and wants to have Kids..But kept trying for 3 yrs to have a baby and after all the tests we learnt that he had sperm abnormalities and can't become a father (we need to try IVF etc.) I feel it's a hard slap by GOD on my face...why did he do it with my hubby? I made a sin I know..Now I am in extreme guilt and having sleepless nights..I know it's my fault..someone can fool you once but not 5 times...I am feeling very shameful and suicidal ..very disturbed..
Will God ever forgive me...will I ever become a mother?
I have no excuse but I need help to cope with it..PLS HELP..

Editor's Comment

It must be very distressing for you to find out you have problems conceiving with your husband. It is not unusual for women to feel that they are being punished for a previous abortion, and if you have a faith in God you may feel now that you have gone against some of your core values and beliefs. If this is the case, it is crossing those boundaries that make you feel guilty.
My understanding is that God is a God of love and forgiveness, and that you can access that freely as you turn to him.
If you would like post abortion support it is available, for post abortion support. or you can call the helpline. It may also help you to go to a church leader/priest to receive forgiveness formally.

This story was sent in on 05/01/2015

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