I empathise completely with my pregnant 16 year old daughter - I was pregnant with her at 17

By anonymous on 17/06/2008

I had my daughter when I was 17. Being pregnant at such a young age was not easy but the decision to keep my baby was immediate and was definitely the right one for me.

My parents were shocked and disappointed at the time but soon came round to the idea of the new family member, my beautiful daughter.

I want to support her to make the right decision for her with regards to her future. She is terrified of the pregnancy, labour and being able to care for a child. She feels that a termination is the answer for her.

I empathise completely with her but do not want her to rush into a decision that she cannot go back on.

I am glad that she has confided in me but now I feel unable to discuss it with other family members as this would go against her wishes. I do wonder, if she goes through with a termination and regrets it later, what other people in the family will feel about me not sharing this information with them just now.

I am just grateful for this forum on which to post my feelings and would urge any young girl to confide in someone.

A baby is not the end of the world and support is out there. Ultimately, my little baby is now an adult (in the eyes of the law at least) and has to make her own decision.

I just need to make sure I have covered all the bases with her and let her know I love and respect her.

Hopefully, whatever decision she makes she can live with.

Editor’s note:

Thanks for writing in with your story…

It sounds as if you are feeling sad and a little powerless about this decision, while at the same time making every effort to respect her and support her.

For your daughter, it is very important, of course, that she makes her own decision, but it’s also important that she has all the information about all the options available to her, and that she fully understands what’s involved in an abortion both physically and psychologically.

From our experience, women can respond to an unplanned pregnancy from two different parts of themselves – their logic (or ‘head’) and their heart (their conscience, instinct and beliefs). Often the voices of these two parts conflict, but both are valid and need to be listened to attentively.

Whatever your desire for your daughter, it would be wise for her to talk to a specialist advisor at a centre who can provide pre-abortion counselling by helping her to check if she has thought everything through and considered all aspects of her decision. Then she can make a final informed choice about what to do and know 100% that it’s the decision she can live with.

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