At 14, exactly a year ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life
I had sex and got pregnant, then had an abortion, and the pain I've felt since then can only be karmic payback for taking an innocent life. I couldn't tell my mum, she would have kicked me out, and I didn't really have anyone else who would have even known what to say.
I have never done anything bad in my entire life, gotten anything below a B, and now I was running around getting a secret abortion?
Since then my life has completely fallen apart. I moved out of the country, away from everyone who had been a part of my life at the time, and I have not talked to anyone about what happened where I live now. Today is the anniversary of the day I got pregnant and I'm completely alone in all the memories and guilt. Nobody knows what today means for me, nobody really cares. All I can see is flashbacks of the doctor giving me pills, then laying on my bathroom floor writhing in pain, waiting for my baby to pass. I guess this is what karma deems is a fair suffering for the horrible thing I did. I just want to know if this is all my life will bring, jumping from one anniversary date to the next for the rest of my life?
You were very young when this happened to you, and I can imagine it was very frightened to face the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy, and rejection from your Mum.
Your memories are still very painful, and often first anniversaries are very difficult and usually the worst. You sound very lonely and isolated in all of this, and I would recommend you getting help through post-abortion support.
If you don't feel you can speak to someone you could register with online advisor and get some counselling help.