I am 19 years old and 6 weeks pregnant
I know somebody who I could be with, who would support me and really help me, but at the same time this means I've got to grow up fast, move out of my mum and dad's house and be a mum.
Will my career be overI want to be a private music teacher. I have lessons every week and they are very very expensive, as are the instruments I have to buy. Having this baby would mean I have to give up my career for a little while, months, years I really don't know. It means I will struggle for money even though I am in a full time job and would have the support of my family and the guy I may be with, but my career will be over.
I will lose a part of myselfI know its selfish to think this way as I got myself into this, and in my heart I can't imagine having an abortion, but either way I will lose a part of myself no matter what I do. I love my music. I play the flute, violin and piano and I know I could have a great house and be comfortable and then have a baby. Then I imagine holding my baby when it's born, seeing its tiny hands, feet and eyes. My feelings about this are so mixed.
My mum and dad are very very verrry upset as they knew I had an amazing career ahead of me. My mum says they will support me if I have the baby but she is definitely pushing me towards having an abortion. I know she's ashamed of me for being so utterly stupid. The father of the baby may be there or he may not. I have no idea what he'd do. I don't really care about him so I would prefer he wasn't there.
I know there must be one of you girls reading this in the same situation as me. Great future ahead but scared to have an abortion in case it's wrong. Sometimes I'm sure I want an abortion, then I think no!! I don't want that!! then I think but it's the only way I'm gona have a good life and have money and a good career. I just don't know.
It's a miracleThe guy I'm seeing has had 2 kids already with 2 different partners in the past. He says the scans are the best things in the world, to see your little baby growing and hear its heartbeat. We looked through books together of how baby's grow and the stages of pregnancy and its a miracle it really is.
Then I hear my mum saying my life will be ruined, I'll have no money and the guy I'm with or whoever may leave me. An abortion would be the easy way out. I could go on as I have and be a normal 19 yr old with a bright future. Or I could have this baby, have a really hard time bringing it up with its crying and constant feeding all through the night. I could feel the baby kicking in my tummy as it grows, buy baby clothes and nappies and just be a good mum. I would still be able to do my music maybe, if not now, or then, in a few years.
My baby will never come back if I have an abortionThe soreness in my boobs will stop and they'll go to normal size, and I can go to the gym like normal and do what I like, be with who I like. It's all so hard and confusing. I have people to talk to who are on the outside, but no matter what they say, I have to make this massive decision. I have no idea what to do.
Where I work, I see alot of young girls coming in with small toddlers. The girls are pretty and so so young and I used to think you made a mistake, you could have done anything with your life. Now I'm in the same boat and it's not so easy to make that choice. Not when you sometimes feel your tummy tingle or you're tired and you know its because of the baby growing inside you. I cry all the time, I have to make a decision soon though, before 12 weeks!
Editor's CommentThis sounds like an agonising struggle for you, and you are obviously being pulled in different directions. The important thing is to think through what is right for you. Your mind is telling you that you're young, you have a great career ahead of you, and that you want to have your life and be free to do what you want. But your heart is giving you different messages about the baby you are carrying and being a mum.
You also feel a lot of pressure about disappointing your mum and dad.
I don't believe that your decision has to be your career or your baby. I think many women are able to have a baby and pursue their career, if that what they want to do. I don't pretend that this is easy!it would be very hard work, but not impossible. There is much more provision to do training and develop a career with children now, if that's what you choose. I'm not trying to push you towards parenting but hopefully helping you to think that you do have a very real choice. This is not easy for you at the moment when your hormonal changes are making you feel very up and down. Don't rush into a decision until you feel more sure about it. Although it is better to have an abortion before 12 weeks, it is still available later and it is better to come to a choice you feel at peace about than to rush into something you may regret. If you would like to talk this through with an advisor you could follow the link to find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area.
or call the national helpline 0300 4000 999.