Medical abortion was unavailable - I'm 35 and smoke more than 10 a day so had a surgical abortion

Hello Ladies, I am writing this as I want to tell someone what I've been through, if it helps someone else then that would be a comfort to me.

I had a surgical abortion today

I was supposed to have the medical abortion but as I am 35 and smoke more than 10 a day. I was unable to have the tablets.

I'll start by saying this was a pregnancy that came about whilst on the rebound really, I am married but have been sort of seperated from my husband for the last 3 months in that time I met a man, that seemed very nice I went out with him a few times and we had a few too many drinks on one such occassion and we had unprotected sex.

I fell pregnant, to say I was shocked is an understatement because I thought I couldn't have children as my husband and I had been trying for 9 yrs with no joy, so I'd got used to the idea that I have 1 son and that's that.

So finding myself pregnant I was shocked and petrified because I really hardly knew the father

He was supportive and said he was happy for me to go ahead with the pregnancy. I think he'd really started to fall for me, but the feeling wasn't mutual, I had no feelings for him at all, and actually I was and am missing my husband!

I was in turmoil for a couple of weeks trying to decide what I was going to do. I halfheartedly made the decision to go ahead with an abortion so booked myself in.

Today was the day I had the treatment, I feel sorry for the life I didn't allow to live.

I wish my circumstances could have been different so that I felt more able to cope with a baby, but I knew I really couldn't have a baby with a man I hardly knew and nearly no support around me.

It's been the hardest decision I've ever had to make

I haven't stopped crying since I found out I was pregnant. I can't advise anyone who may be going through this, all I can say is I really do understand how awful this all is, I know the pain of indecision and the pain of abortion.

My heart goes out to anyone who is going through this, it's been the hardest thing for me.

This story was sent in on 22/02/2011 and it's been viewed 1,139 times.

Editor's comment

I am sorry this has been so painful for you. After trying for a baby for 9 years, it seems ironic that you fell pregnant after one incident of unprotected sex. You obviously still have feelings for your husband and perhaps you should explore getting back together rather than looking for someone else.

Please follow this link to find a centre for post-abortion support in your area.

Other similar/related stories…

A medical abortion on Valentine's day

Previous

A muslim girl who had an abortion

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or have been affected by similar issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be difficult but can be very rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →