A medical abortion at 15 weeks

I didn't know I was pregnant till I was roughly 6 weeks, at the age of 18 and working part time, finding out I was pregnant was a huge shock!
I bought a £2 pregnancy test and took it with my cousin and she was the only person I told that there was a possibility I was pregnant. At first only one line came up, I felt kind of relieved but then also sad, it's always a nice thought, having a baby. A few mins later the second line appeared. Yup I was pregnant. I cried.
I told my mum straight away. She wasn't happy with the idea, but never told me directly, just kept making sure I was doing the right thing, what ever it is that I wanted to do.
I then told my partner who I'd been with for a little over a year. He was disgusted! Didn't want to know me, and didn't want a baby at the age of 22 and still living at home, he wasn't ready. I understood that, but I knew in my heart I wanted a baby.
I considered everything. I looked into what support I could get, tried to figure out how I could afford things, even thought about going to those water exercise things for pregnant women! I was excited. I went away for a weekend with my grandad to really think about it and get away from people's opinions.

I had made my mind up. I was keeping this baby. I want this baby.

I went for my scan, but wasn't allowed to see it as I was there for an abortion scan to see how far I was, I was hurt that I couldn't see it. I went back a few days later and told them my decision. After I announced to my family and friends that I was pregnant and keeping it, that's when it all went downhill. I got looked down on, even more than I did before ( I was a tad rebellious when I was 14-16) mum made it clear she thought I was making the wrong choice, and my partner was torn up with the thought.
After 2 weeks I gave up with the idea and booked the appointment for an abortion, even though I knew in my heart I didn't want that, I just couldn't take no more of the comments my family was making and couldn't bear to lose my partner, he's my first love.

I was under so much pressure, I crumbled.

By the time I had my appointment I was 15 weeks pregnant, had a little baby bump, I was proud of it.
I took a tablet orally and had to go back in 2 day days and have tablets inserted and begin with the abortion.
Let's just say the worst day of my life. After 2 tablets were inserted ( one every 3 hours ) I was in so much pain, kept being sick too, I had a morphine injection and a sickness injection to help me, I was so drowsy from them I slept throughout most of it, and before you know it I was bleeding heavy and the nurses said I need to give it a little push, its ready.

An hour later I did the littlest push and I knew that was my baby.

I felt like dying.
I felt so guilty and it's almost like a piece of me was torn away. I cried with my mum as she was with me throughout the day, she cleaned me and changed the sheets as she's a nurse in a different hospital, she saw my baby. We cried together. It's now 2 and a half weeks since then, and I'm heartbroken. I've seen my partner twice, and he says he's being supportive yet if he was he'd make the effort to see me as we live in different towns a half an hour drive away. My mum has tried to be there, I want her to help but at the same time I don't, because I'm so angry. I feel like I was pressured into it. Well I was.
I regret it! my advice to any one, no matter what age or circumstances, listen to your heart. What do YOU want to do? There will always be a way to get help, and support, so use it!

Editor's Comment

It is very sad that you made this decision because you were under so much pressure, and no one supported your initial choice. It must have been very hard when you were feeling vulnerable to be faced with this opposition. I am not surprised you are feeling heartbroken.
If you would like to talk this through with someone who is trained in post abortion problems, please contact us. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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