I had an abortion after a drunken one-night stand but really wanted to keep my babyBy anonymous on 28/09/2011
I got pregnant after a drunken one night stand with a close friend. A week later, I realised I was a few days late and had been feeling really sick and emotional that week. I took a pregnancy test just to rule it out and to my surprise, it came up positive.
I rang my friend in tears because I was so shocked that I was actually pregnant, but to my surprise, it did put a little smile on my face because I loved the fact that there was a little baby inside of me. When I told the father, he was very supportive but made it completely clear that he did not want it and then went on holiday without a word.
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I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a lot of money and I didn't know if I was ready to raise a child. I decided on abortion and my dad booked it for me as I couldn't bring myself to do it, and besides, everyone including my friends and family was telling me to get rid of it.
My dad and I booked the abortion and I cried for ages afterwards because I knew deep down that I wanted to keep my baby but kept telling myself it was for the best. The few days leading up to it, I cried every day and night and to make it worse if I mentioned it to my friends they would go all cold and distant.
The day I went for it was so emotional, I cried the whole way up there thinking 'I can't do this, I want to keep my baby'.
It was over in a few minutes, my little baby gone
I cried throughout the whole of the procedure and the nurse said to me 'are you sure you want to do this'. I wish I could go back in time and just jump up off the bed and say 'no I want to keep my baby'.
Afterwards, I didn't feel much better, I lay in the recovery room crying and thinking I had just made a huge mistake because I wanted my little baby and I was thinking I could have raised my child, I could have done this and besides that, I wanted too.
To my little one, I'm sorry mummy wasn't strong enough to bring you into this world. I'm sorry that I took away your little life. I will always love you so much, you will always be with me !! Love you lots x