I didn't really want kids and couldn't believe I was pregnant

Today is December 11th 2011, and I had an abortion on December 8th.

I don't really know what to do or say other than I hate my life and most importantly I hate myself. I'm 28 years old and I have been with my boyfriend since 2009.

It was a week last Sunday, after missing my period I decided to do the home pregnancy test and it was positive.

I could not believe I was pregnant. I was not ready at all and I didn't really want kids. I got really scared and called my boyfriend and told him what was going on.

I was so scared. I could not stop crying. My boyfriend was at work he left work, picked me up and told me even though we weren't really ready he wanted me to keep the baby, and he wanted us to get married and start our family.

I didn't think I was ready at all as I am still in education and I was thinking about my future and how I couldn't picture myself with a baby, and that my parents would be disappointed with me.

The only thing on my mind was abortion

The first and only thing that was on my mind was getting an abortion

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE PLEASE IF YOU ARE PREGNANT AND YOU ARE READING THIS RECONSIDER IT.

I wish I didn't rush into it. I should have listened to my boyfriend, he was right. I took a life and I took my own baby's life. I stopped my own baby's heartbeat.

I was about 7 weeks pregnant and I was recommended to take the abortion pill which was given to me at the Dr's office. It stops the pregnancy in a few hours and then on Saturday I took the other pills that cause contractions, and I saw my little baby :(

This will change my life forever - the sadness is endless

I have been crying and crying, my boyfriend didn't want to be part of it so he didn't support me. I did everything on my own and he doesn't really want to be with me, he tells me he loves me but he has mixed feelings and he doesn't feel like he knows me anymore. He tells me he needs space and I understand what is he going through.

I miss my baby so much I want to be pregnant again.

Please I'm begging you to really reconsider it, don't be ashamed of being pregnant it's the beauty and power of women. This experience will change my life forever. The sadness of it is endless and it leaves you with a mountain of regrets.

I would not want anyone else to do what I did. I took my baby from myself. I am so selfish for doing this. I sacrificed my baby for selfish reasons and I will never be able to forgive myself.


This story was sent in on 12/12/2011 and it's been viewed 840 times.

Editor's comment

It is quite common for women to panic at the thought of an unplanned pregnancy, and all the changes it will bring to your life. Your response to your crisis was to try and sort it out as quickly as possible, like rubbing out a mistake. It is sad that you were not able to talk it through and really explore your true feelings, and how abortion might affect you. It is only afterwards that you have got in touch with your true feelings and realised that it would have been right for you to face your crisis and continue the pregnancy.

There is help available although I understand that at the moment you feel that you are going to grieve forever. Please contact a centre providing post-abortion support where you live so that a counsellor can help you through this difficult time.

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