I don't believe in abortion so why did I do what I am so firmly against?

I don't believe in abortion, I never have and I never will, so why did I do what I am so firmly against? I will never forgive myself for being so gullible and weak, I will never forgive myself for the pain I caused, and I will never forgive myself for trusting.

So many wrongs, things were then as they have always been and as they are now - I am unable to change that.

I think of you daily and that will never change. I am so very, very sorry that I let you go, my pain was evident and my judgement impaired, god is in the detail and in the detail there are answers. Dance among the stars and shine as bright as a diamond, I will one day hopefully have the chance to be with you again...... for part of you that was part of me will stay in my heart for eternity.

I love you little one. x

This story was sent in on 26/04/2014

Editor's comment

Your pain is very real and comes from crossing your personal boundaries. It can feel inexplicable looking back, but at the time you may have been under a lot of pressure from circumstances and made a decision that did not account for your values and beliefs.

Refusing to forgive yourself is like a constant punishment, and I would urge you to talk to someone so that you can release yourself from this. It would be very sad and an even greater loss if you lived under the burden of guilt for the rest of your life - click to find the closest post-abortion support centre.

Other stories about abortion

I had a late medical abortion at 13 weeks, 4 months ago

I was missing periods but convinced myself I wasn't pregnant…


I recently experienced a surgical abortion


Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or have been affected by similar issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be difficult but can be very rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →