My boyfriend is Arabic and Muslim and automatically said if I wanted to continue my pregnancy I had to go home to England
I am sharing my story because I had a surgical abortion yesterday, and before this I read many stories of people's experiences on here [more stories about surgical abortion].
I am 21 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year. We currently live in Spain together as we met here when I was travelling.
I found out I was pregnant 5 weeks ago when I missed my period and my friend had made me do a pregnancy test. I did one test and it came out positive straight away. I felt confused. Having a child and a family is all I've ever wanted. I did another test with a conception indicator, again it came out positive saying I conceived 1-2 weeks ago.
When I told my boyfriend he was in denial. He is arabic and muslim. So all of this was considered haram, meaning forbidden. He automatically said he didn't want it and if I wanted to continue my pregnancy I had to go home to England.
I instantly felt alone and had no support. I was so confused. We went to the doctor together and we had a scan. He told me I was 5 weeks and my fetus was so small he didn't know it would survive. This made me feel sad and also some sense of relief as if it was never meant to be. He told me to come back in a week.
When we came back to my surprise there was now two. I was pregnant with twins. Now I was even more scared and confused. But after so many conversations together two babies meant two of everything, double the price. And I knew I didn't want to go back to England and be a single mother of twins at 21. My only option was termination [other abortion stories].
As I live in Lanzarote I had to travel to Gran Canaria. I went with a friend as I can't speak Spanish and my boyfriend was working. I believed I would be having the abortion pill until I got there and was asked if I would like to be put to sleep. That was the moment I knew it was a surgical procedure [more surgical abortion experiences].
After waiting in the waiting room for what seemed forever more girls joined us, and I got that conveyor belt feeling.
They called us one by one and we went in to different rooms and did different things. Had blood samples taken, filled out forms and had a scan. Finally I was called through to the back.
The male nurse was very nice he put his arm around me. And took me to what felt like a cupboard. Told me to take all my clothes off and put on a gown and to wait. I sat for what felt ages but was probably only 2 mins. This is when I had second thoughts I began to cry and changed my mind back and forth.
Eventually a woman came and got me and led me to a room she lay me on a chair put my legs in stirrups and made me lie down. I remember seeing 2 or 3 doctors I was very emotional I kept crying. I saw a man hold my arm down and had a needle.
They asked me lots of questions in spanish and I just cried I don't know what you're saying. The last thing I remember is a woman wiping my face and telling me to relax and it will be over in 3 minutes.
I woke up to two men in my face saying hola. At this point I woke up very confused, shouting and crying in spanish. They calmed me down and gave me an ice pack and paracetamol. After I came round they helped me out of bed and I got dressed led me to another room to wait.
I went back for a scan, he scanned me and just said good. I then left and met my friend and went for coffee as if it was all completely normal.
I had slight pain yesterday after the procedure and I have near to none today. I have no memory of any of it. And didn't feel a thing.
There is no need to be scared even though I was petrified after reading horror stories, it is true the fear is worse than the actual procedure. I would recommend this way to anyone.
I feel no different in myself. I don't feel like I've lost anything. But I never believed I was pregnant in the first place. I don't know if this is my coping strategy but it helps.
I know I've made the right decision especially with having twins I could not afford them and they wouldn't have the life I want to provide. I know I want children and so does my boyfriend, but we will have them when we are ready and can financially support them.
This story was sent in on 29/04/2014