I was 36 when I had an abortion eleven years ago. My husband had had a vasectomy as we had three children and could not afford any more.

I was 36 when I had an abortion eleven years ago. My husband had had a vasectomy as we had three children and could not afford any more. I was in the middle of a teaching degree when I found I was pregnant. My husband had refused to take his sperm sample back for the all clear! I had always wanted another child and did not want an abortion, but my husband did. He didn’t pressure me and said the decision was mine but I knew having a baby would cause immense strain on our marriage, not to mention financial hardship. I went ahead with the abortion and it is a decision I have regretted every day since. I wish I had had the courage to do what my heart knew was right rather than what my head was telling me was practical. I feel I was weak and spineless for not standing up for what I wanted. The pain, anger and guilt have led to me suffering from psychological trauma, depression and low self-esteem, and have resulted in my husband and I separating and the break-up of our family. I understand that not everyone suffers as I have and would argue for every woman’s right to choose. However, I think there is a very definite need for all women to have access to thorough counselling and support. I don't feel that I had that and I am at present considering going for counselling to help me achieve some peace of mind. Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story with us…It seems you understand already why you are in pain and I think you would benefit greatly from going through our post-abortion recovery programme, The Journey, which will sensitively lead through the emotions and enable you to find peace with yourself in time. There is hope for you to come to terms with your experience and be released from this. Please look on this website for your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor.
This story was sent in on 04/02/2008 and it's been viewed 1,575 times.

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