So confused, during 2 days, I did 5 pregnancy tests which all came out positive
On the 2nd of September I went to my sexual health clinic and took a pregnancy test.
The pregnancy test came out positive and I remember I didn't even feel a thing I didn't feel happy or sad.
As soon as I left I texted my ex to tell him I was pregnant. He asked what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to get an abortion. When I got home I booked an appointment for an abortion for the Thursday.
When I went for the appointment the doctor did an ultrasound but she told me she couldn't find anything and she told me I should do another pregnancy test, which then also came out negative.
I found the whole situation so confusing that when I got home, during the course of 2 days, I did 5 pregnancy tests which all came out positive.
On the 10th I booked an appointment with my GP and my doctor wrote me a letter so I could go to the early pregnancy unit at the hospital to do an internal exam.
I remember that when the doctor showed me my baby I was so upset because I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore, like regardless of anything, that was my baby even though the dad didn't want to have the baby.
For 11 days I was thinking what my life would be like if I had the baby. I'm 19 and I'm still going to college and my goal right now is to go to university.
I still considered abortion. I considered doing the medical abortion but by the time I decided to go along with it, I was 7 weeks pregnant and my baby had a little heartbeat. I couldn't do the medical abortion as just the thought of me flushing my child down the toilet made me cry so much. So I decided to go with a surgical abortion where I will be put to sleep and I won't be seeing my baby at all.
The night before my abortion I remember crying so much. I felt like I was doing something which I didn't want to do but had no choice but to do it.
I texted my ex that day saying I'm sorry but I don't think I can go along with the procedure. He called me right after and for an hour and a half he kept saying he can't be a dad at the age of 19, he can't drop out of university as he worked so hard to get there.
When the phone call ended I realised that I can't bring my child to a world were his or her dad doesn't want them. I want to able to give my child everything and I can't do that at the age of 19.
So the next day I went to a BPAS centre and had a surgical abortion.
I felt that was the best choice. I didn't feel any pain and I didn't have to see my baby.
When I woke up after the procedure I was just crying because I was so upset that I had to have an abortion with my first child, but later on I realised that I did a good thing. My baby deserves to be loved so much by both parents and hopefully will be when the time is right.
This story was sent in on 22/09/2015