I hope this helps ease the concerns anyone has about the pain and the process
I just turned 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months (3 months officially). We love each other and our relationship has been going well.
I found out I was pregnant on January 2, 2019. I was supposed to have gotten my period on Dec 29, and I took a pregnancy test on that day, but it came back negative (now that I think back, maybe there was a very very faint line, but not enough to be sure).
One week later and still no period, I took another and it came back glaringly positive. The kit I bought had 3 tests, and I took them all over the next 24 hours. All came back positive.
My boyfriend was at work and couldn't come over immediately, but I told him over the phone that morning. I think I was in shock most of the day. By the time I got home from work, I called Planned Parenthood and made the appointment. They said that the earliest I could go was next Wednesday, because I was barely 5 weeks and it might not even show on the ultrasound yet. So I made the appointment and waited.
My boyfriend and I never really discussed having it or not. I knew he wasn't ready. He came over the next morning from work and I cried for hours in his arms. A part of me really wanted to keep it. I felt like we could do it. But together. I felt like there was no way I could choose for my baby and I to have such a difficult life - being a single parent.
He told me he supported either choice, but that being a parent would be hard on us and there was always the chance that we might not make it. I couldn't choose the option that left my child without a father. I think if he could have assured me we would always stay together no matter what, then I would have kept it.
It sounds bad, but a proposal would have meant that I at least had an actual choice. His lack of commitment felt like a non-decision to me. So that was that.
We had a few more discussions over the next week - which ended up with me in tears. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to have his child. But he wasn't ready and we have only been together for 6 months.
It felt like the right decision, but not the one I wanted to make. I felt guilty and sad and alone and embarrassed and afraid. He couldn't understand what I felt as a mother - you know how they say men don't become dads until they hold their baby in their arms... it felt like that.
I hope I don't hold on to this forever, but it made me angry that my first experience being pregnant was so horrific and sad. The worst part was the week wait.
Finally the day came and my boyfriend and I went to PP. My bf was not allowed in with me, but it was fine.
A female nurse asked me questions, took a finger prick to test my blood. Took my blood pressure. A male nurse came and did the ultrasound. I didn't have to undress which was a nice surprise. All he did was put the wand on my tummy and he verified I was 5 wks 6 days. Thankfully, he didn't show me the picture or ask if I wanted to see it. I wasn't going to look anyway.
I went back to the female nurse. She asked more questions. Explained all of the medications and instructions that I had to follow. I told her I would go on the pill as well. Then she took my blood so I could use this method to verify in a week that the abortion went through, instead of another ultrasound.
Then the man came back and gave me the first pill. I felt a slight hesitation, but took it anyway. I wanted to cry when he left but didn't want the staff to see me. I was told I could leave. My bf paid for everything and then we left.
I was prescribed 4 things - anti-nausea, ibuprofen, another painkiller, and the pill.
We stopped on our way home. The rest of the day was normal. I felt fine, just a few minor cramps. No bleeding. I think I was relieved that the decision was already made and I didn't have to think about it any more. I only felt scared for the next day. I had read a lot online and from what the nurse told me, I was preparing for a ton of pain and a lot of bleeding.
They wrote down all of the times of day that I would need to take pills:
- I had to eat a light lunch at 1 pm.
- Anti-nausea and an ibuprofen at 130.
- The 4 misoprostol pills at 2 pm.
Those misoprostol were the worst. You sit for 30 min with them in your mouth to let them dissolve into your cheeks. We weren't sure if that meant I should be swallowing my spit or not, but I could feel all of the chalkyness disintegrating in my spit and it was gross. Finally I could swallow and already I had started to feel cramping.
My bf made me take half of the strong pain meds. I was afraid to take them and be really nauseous so he cut them up for me. The hot water bottle was a god send. My cramps were starting to really hurt, maybe a 6 or 7 on the pain scale. Like really bad period cramps, but I was preparing for even worse.
I laid on my stomach and he rubbed my back. I got the chills but only for a little while... then I was dozing on and off for the next 2 or so hours.
The cramps hurt and I felt the bleeding start. I got up once to go to the bathroom and did feel dizzy and like I was going to throw up. But I didn't. The bleeding wasn't too heavy but I slept on and off through the cramps.
I think maybe an hour or so later, I went to the bathroom again and I saw a big blood clot come out, and then a smaller one. I think that was it. But I couldn't see anything, it just looked like blood and stuff.
The cramps started to get better around 630 pm. I came out of the bedroom and sat on the couch and watched TV. I ate and drank a bunch.
The cramps just felt like period cramps at this point. I wasn't even bleeding too much. I felt a little light headed but that was it.
It is the next day and I feel pretty normal. No cramps. Not even much bleeding, if any. I took a shower and ate and so far, I feel fine. I'm a little worried that there was so little bleeding and that maybe it didn't work completely, but I think it is ok. I go back in a week to do the bloodwork to make sure.
Overall, it wasn't as bad as I was imagining or anything close to what I've read on here - although the cramps really hurt pretty bad.
I will always feel sad and guilty, but now I do feel relieved that the decision is just over with. I am not thrilled that I have to be on hormones and take the pill now, but until my boyfriend and I are closer to being engaged, I will not mess up again.
If anything, this has at least shown me how much I want to have kids and be a mother and start all of this sooner, rather than later. I think we are on the same page too, which is very comforting.
I hope this helps ease the panic and concerns anyone else might have about the pain and the process.
This story was sent in on 11/01/2019