To have a funeral you need to have been alive beforeBy anonymous on 06/11/2009
I uploaded the first part of my story a few weeks ago.
I'm 23 and have 2 boys already. I have a terribly high BMI and didn't think that carrying a baby would be good for me which then, in turn, would affect the level of care I am able to give my existing children.
I felt a little sad but generally ok
After my “counselling” appointment, I went home feeling a little sad but in general OK about what was ahead. I came to this website, read some more stories, and sought the advice of one of the online advisors (who may I just add, were helpful, quick to respond and supportive).
Second appointment - first pill
Anyway, my second appointment (1st pill) was on a Sunday 18th October. I went up to the ward with my partner, but as we had no babysitter, he had to walk around the grounds with the kids while I saw a nurse by myself.
She asked me some medical related questions, am I allergic to anything? Am I currently on any medication? Yadda yadda.
She made a special effort to find out that the decision I was about to make was my own and I wasn't under any pressure from anybody and then she gave me the tablet. I was told I could go off and have a coffee in the cafe but I wasn't to leave the hospital for an hour to be sure that I absorbed the tablet. I reported back to the nurse on the ward after that hour and was sent home to rest. That afternoon I felt fine.
When I got back to my house that night I got terrible cramping that felt like labour pains, they came every 2-3 minutes and lasted about 30 seconds. I was stuck on the toilet for over half an hour. I didn't dare get up because I thought it was all about to happen there on the loo.
My partner brought me 3 paracetamol and made me a hot water bottle. I went and sat on the sofa. The painkillers must have worked because I fell asleep and woke 2 hours later with red scald marks on my tummy from the hot water bottle. Then I was fine.
Third appointment - more pills
Two days later on 20th October, I was back at the hospital at 9 am. The nurse on duty came to tell me what she was going to do to me, what I should expect and that the stories I read, while a little helpful, shouldn't be thought about really since every experience differs.
At 9.30am she administered 4 tablets vaginally, I asked if I could do this myself but she said no. I was told to remain as flat as I could for at least 30 minutes to be sure the tablets stayed where they were meant to and so worked.
I started to read a book and the next thing I knew it was just gone 11 am. I got up to walk around because I have Sciatica and lying down for so long was giving me grief.
I felt something down below
After 15 minutes of pacing the room I was in, I felt something down below. Imagine you're having a heavy period and you sit down for a little while. When you stand again you can feel that you need to expel some blood. That's what it felt like. Still no pain at this point.
The nurses kept coming back to ask if I needed any pain relief. I sat on the commode and felt things begin to come out. My partner had gone to find a toilet that he was allowed to use so I was alone and a little bit frightened.
I asked the nurse to stay because I was afraid
A nurse came in to check on me to find me sat trembling on the commode and I actually asked her to stay because I was afraid. When I was done she took the bedpan from the commode and left.
I sat back on my bed because the lunch lady came round at 12.30pm and I was so hungry and still not in any kind of pain so I had some food.
When I'd done eating I got terrible cramps like I'd had on Sunday so I called the nurse who brought me some codeine and paracetamol. The pain didn't bring out tears but I couldn't talk to anyone so I just sat on the edge of my bed and rocked backwards and forwards. That is how I cope with pain.
Something really weird was going on
At around 1.30pm I stood up again and felt something really weird going on “down there” so I went back to the commode and sat. I sent my partner to stand at the door because random tea-ladies kept coming in, asking if I wanted coffee so he stood guard while I was occupied.
The bit you'll probably be most concerned about
I had a final cramp and I had what felt like something about the size and shape of a nectarine fall from me and into the bedpan. It didn't hurt and immediately the cramping stopped.
My partner called the nurse who came to examine what I'd passed and she said, “Oh yes there's the placenta. You passed the fetus the first time you sat here”. That left me in utter shock.
I was told to expect another oral dose of hormones, pain, blood... all kinds of things.
I cleaned myself up and sat back on the bed. I was done. I felt relieved but that was short lived...
She asked if I wanted to arrange a funeral
As we were sitting waiting for discharge the nurse came back and asked me if we wanted to arrange a funeral. This really knocked me for six.
I said no and then the nurse informed me that the fetus, along with others whether the result of abortion or miscarriage were sent to a crematorium in the town and have a service done for them. I was then sent home.
I bled for 7 days and needed no pain relief at all.
I've been affected by the words of the nurse
I guess what I would like to say, make sure you really seriously consider what you're about to do. I have been affected by the words of the nurse, although they were well meant.
My logic is - to have a funeral, you need to be dead and to be dead, you need to have been alive before. I had an alive baby inside me, I made a choice and then it was dead in a bedpan.
I'll be haunted by these events
Although I know this was best for me and my health, I'll probably be haunted by these events for a while yet. Please, ladies, make the right decision for YOU, not anyone else.
Strict parents, cowardly men or pushy friends won’t have to live with this choice and its consequences. Don't let them manipulate you.
This website is the best thing I've found for advice and if any of my friends find themselves in this situation I'll send them straight here.