I wrote about my abortion in November 2009 - this is how I'm feeling now

I recently wrote about my abortion that took place in November 2009. This is just a follow up to how I am feeling now since the event.

I have no one to talk to. There is a sadness that aches in my heart every day.

When I think about the abortion, I have to immediately tell myself to not think of it. I don't know how long I can keep dismissing my thoughts... I feel so bad about my decision.

Just the thought of my unborn child being suctioned away kills me; I have died a thousand deaths since November 2009.

I will never know him/her. Never see my baby smile. Never hear my baby call my name. I made the awful gut-wrenching choice to go to the clinic that day and terminate my baby's life.

I don't see any light at the end of the road on this. I deserve nothing but misery. I hate myself.

Editor's comment

You are very brave to write and express such painful regrets after your decision to have an abortion. Sometimes this is the first step towards healing when you are able to honestly acknowledge how you feel, and accept the full effect of your choice. The sadness and grief you are feeling is very raw and very painful to read. Please do consider seeking post-abortion help. It may feel as though you will never come through this, but I believe a trained advisor would be able to support you through your grief.

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