I didn't realise how important the emotional recovery after abortion is
I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of my second academic year at university.
I rang my partner and told him, we live together in the same house with friends and he was away.
Unfortunately we rushed through the panic and process of an abortion.
I was early and about 6 weeks gone by the time I had the abortion and unfortunately it took place on my 21st birthday in November. I knew it was the right thing to do, but did not realise I would get depressed again afterwards and tried to ignore it.
I didn't tell my parents, and thought it was just a glitch in life that was sad but that I would get over. 5 months on, and I'm leaving university and starting my second year again in September.
Ignoring the grieving process was the worst thing I could have done
As much of a set back this is for me academically, my abysmal grades and attitude was due to the depression, which I'd suffered once before after a horrific accident in my teenage life.
I knew it was coming and I knew there was something wrong with me, but I did not cope with the guilt well. Eventually it started to take over, and as I realised academically I was scraping passes and emotionally I was taking it out on my partner I woke up.
I told my mother, who promptly came up the next day to see me, I went to the doctors and have been on prozac for 2 weeks now. I also have meetings on Monday to postpone my studies and start again.
Abortion is so traumatic
I am pro-choice for every woman that wants to have an abortion, but I personally did not realise how hard it would be to cope with. It affected the social and academic part of my life for a good few months, and just sat there waiting for me to deal with it.
I do not know if I could go through it again, and I am terrified of having children in case it is all too much.
I know the world goes around and I see myself as very sensible and head strong, but my abortion grind ed me down emotionally.
The importance of the road to recovery after abortion
I wouldn't be able to stress enough if I ever had to give advice to a friend, the importance of the road to recovery after an abortion. Whether people think 6 weeks is nothing when you are pregnant, it is very much the emotional and physical changes before and after the abortion that matter.
I biologically miss being pregnant so much and I biologically grieve and think about it most days.
But I logically know what's done is done, and I hope I am never in this situation again.
This story was sent in on 10/05/2010